Punxsutawney Phil should probably just retire

Yesterday was Groundhog’s Day.  And did that stupid little rodent see his shadow?  Of course he did.  Does that mean more winter weather?  Of course it does.

But here’s the thing–even if he hadn’t seen his shadow, we’d probably end up with six more weeks of winter.  Six weeks from now is March and March is not a warm month! People always seem to forget this and assume that spring is warm and fall is cool and then they get all annoyed in early June when it’s still only 60 out.

So I’m wondering why he still has a job.  Oh, right, I forgot, it’s tradition.  Blah blah blah.  I’m not so sure that tradition matters to P.E.T.A., who is constantly trying to free P. Phil.  (But you never hear them saying ANYTHING about the Easter Bunny, do you?)

But I say that this tradition is just a let down.  It’s a disappointment AND A LIE!  Because poor Phil never has a chance to NOT see his shadow.  Have you ever seen pictures from Gobbler’s Knob?  There are so many paparazzo there you’d think that Lady Gaga just announced she was marrying Robert Pattinson and they were going to have Madonna officiate the ceremony (with Angelina Jolie and Brad Pit as matron of honor and best man, respectively).  How the hell could poor old Phil NOT see a shadow with that many lights?  You’ve got video flashes, digital camera flashes, point and shoot flashes, CELL PHONE FLASHES!  He has absolutely no chance.

So I think he should probably retire.  He could move somewhere like Iceland, where they’ve only got like 3 weeks of sunlight anyway (what, did none of you see Insomnia?  Yeah, I don’t blame you, the US version was just trash.)  Or maybe he likes seeing his shadow all the time.  Maybe he digs the celebrity.  And if that’s the case, he could probably set up camp on a private island in the Caribbean somewhere, right?  I mean, he’s gotta be making bank for all the press he gets.


8 thoughts on “Punxsutawney Phil should probably just retire

  1. i dunno, i lump P.Phil right in with the other meteorologists. it’s not a science, it’s a scientific guessing system. they say “you can’t predict the weather” yet people pay for 4 years in college to teach them to not predict the weather and then they get paying jobs on tv stations to not be able to do something.
    i should have been a meteorologist, or a winter predicting groundhog

  2. hmm, get rid of Phil…even though he has the same prediction every year, and really, how could he not, it is kind of a cute little bit of Americana…but now that I have said that, groundhogs are not even close to being cute…maybe you are right…but then, would Punxsutaney cease to exist?

  3. it’s pretty obvious that in most of the northern hemisphere you’re gonna have approx six more weeks of winter like weather after the beginning of February. It’s not rocket science. I don’t need an effin’ RODENT to predict that. Even over here, where we occasionally have a freaky heatwave, it has never been before St Paddys day – approximately six weeks after Groundhog day!!!

    And then the year AFTER we had the heatwave in March, we had a blizzard in April…

    The little hog should just go and rest. We know the truth anyway.

    That being said, it is a very cute tradition, and I LOVE the film…

  4. I’m waiting for someone to assassinate Phil. “THIS IS FOR MAKING WINTER LONGER LAST YEAR! DIE!” But until then, you know how I justify Groundhog’s Day? Without it, we wouldn’t have the movie, Groundhog’s Day. Which would be too bad.

  5. NSJ: Well it’s never too late to change careers. You could become a competing weather-predicting groundhog in VA haha!

    A.J.: Oh thanks. I’ll bet Perez Hilton (not to mention USWeekly and OK Mag) is bummed he didn’t come up with it haha!

    M.O.L.: It would still have the infamy of the movie.

    MinD: NO! But would you judge me if I was? He only has to work 1 day a year–he’s right up there with Santa and the Easter Bunny!

    Paula: Yes, THANK YOU! It’s totally not rocket science! Ugh, and the April blizzards…those are the worst!

    Jukebox: Aw, that would be terrible if someone put a hit out on Phil. But now if it happens, the police are totally starting their questioning with you. Just sayin’.

    Jessica: Man, I HOPE he’s lying.

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