Yesterday was Groundhog’s Day. And did that stupid little rodent see his shadow? Of course he did. Does that mean more winter weather? Of course it does.
But here’s the thing–even if he hadn’t seen his shadow, we’d probably end up with six more weeks of winter. Six weeks from now is March and March is not a warm month! People always seem to forget this and assume that spring is warm and fall is cool and then they get all annoyed in early June when it’s still only 60 out.
So I’m wondering why he still has a job. Oh, right, I forgot, it’s tradition. Blah blah blah. I’m not so sure that tradition matters to P.E.T.A., who is constantly trying to free P. Phil. (But you never hear them saying ANYTHING about the Easter Bunny, do you?)
But I say that this tradition is just a let down. It’s a disappointment AND A LIE! Because poor Phil never has a chance to NOT see his shadow. Have you ever seen pictures from Gobbler’s Knob? There are so many paparazzo there you’d think that Lady Gaga just announced she was marrying Robert Pattinson and they were going to have Madonna officiate the ceremony (with Angelina Jolie and Brad Pit as matron of honor and best man, respectively). How the hell could poor old Phil NOT see a shadow with that many lights? You’ve got video flashes, digital camera flashes, point and shoot flashes, CELL PHONE FLASHES! He has absolutely no chance.
So I think he should probably retire. He could move somewhere like Iceland, where they’ve only got like 3 weeks of sunlight anyway (what, did none of you see Insomnia? Yeah, I don’t blame you, the US version was just trash.) Or maybe he likes seeing his shadow all the time. Maybe he digs the celebrity. And if that’s the case, he could probably set up camp on a private island in the Caribbean somewhere, right? I mean, he’s gotta be making bank for all the press he gets.