Spring is here (um, well, sort of here–we seem to have skipped it and jumped right into summer weather. I’m not complaining, mind you, it’s just that I kind of like spring. I need transitions people!) and that means that spring allergies are here too!
That means that for the next few weeks I’ll be sneezing every time I go outside (which really makes getting any semblance of a tan difficult), my eyes will be itchy, watery and accessorized with dark circles reminiscent of NFL players, my throat will be simultaneously sore AND itchy and I’ll spend most of my waking hours sniffling.
While this is normally nothing more than a massive annoyance, this year it’s something a little more. This year, it’s a panic inducer.
Oh yes, dear readers, thanks to the uber-hyped swine flu press, every time I sniffle or sneeze, I see people around grimace uncomfortably and move away me from as quickly as possible.
New Yorkers are in SUCH a panic that they’ve neglected to realize it’s that time of year where the tree pollen makes half the city a sneezy, drowsy mess and they automatically assume that everyone near them has swine flu.
I may just use this to my advantage. I may decide that after every sneeze I’m going to yell “OH GOD I HAVE THE SWINE FLU! IT’S THE PIG! IT’S THE PIG!” And then start oinking and convulsing.
Sure, it may get me arrested but least it’ll keep people away from me on the subway. And that, my friends, is nothing to sneeze at.*
*Yeah, I did just do the allergy pun. But I’m only partially sorry for it.