Bear v. Gorilla

Okay, I really didn’t want to have to do this but it seems I’ve been left with no choice.

Lately the topic of conversation in The Carton (our apartment) has been a debate over who would win in a fight: a bear or a gorilla.

Rachel and I immediately voted “gorilla” and were told we were wrong.  We fought tooth and nail to prove our point.  The gorilla is more solid, we said, and he’s got a pretty powerful fist and he doesn’t just sit around all day eating bananas.  Have you ever seen one of those things beat on it’s chest?  That’s quite frightening.

Meanwhile, Colin (yes, Bailey’s owner Colin who we feel is harboring ill-will towards us after his dog was so thoroughly trounced in the last debate we got into over here) and Boo were steadfastly voting “bear.”  Rachel and I of course assumed that they were voting out of sheer man power–the whole idea of voting for the thing that looks the meanest.  We made the argument that the gorilla is smart.  And that it’s super protective.  And that it will mess. your. shit. up.  But the boys held strong to their opinion.

As we’ve been debating this for weeks now, have called on other sources for votes and have noticed the trend of women tending to vote “gorilla” and men tending to vote “bear” I thought it time to post it up here.

Who do you think would win in a fight?  A grizzly bear or a gorilla?



Sidenote: There is an alarming number of information about this on the internet.  So much so that before I even finished typing “bear vs. gorilla” into Google it had brought that up as an option for me.  And when I searched it, well, damn, it’s alarming at how many hits there are for something like this.  ALARMING.

Another sidenote: Rachel, please don’t kill me for this, but apparently all that “alpha male” bullshit that Colin and Boo were spouting about historically being the hunters and having an inherent knowledge of wild animals might actually carry some weight.  After doing a little research (and I’m beyond ashamed to admit that I have researched this) I’m starting to think that a grizzly would totally annhilate a gorilla.  I mean, did you know that a grizzly can kill a moose with one swipe of its paw?


13 thoughts on “Bear v. Gorilla

  1. I started out with Gorilla but I think Bears can also take more of a beating being fat and all…

    Then you hit me with the moose fact and the debate was over.

  2. i think a gorilla could hold his own but i’m thinking bear might win. mostly because a gorilla is strong as shit and will pummel something to death… or even to pieces. but a bear? will eat that thing whole
    *this has not been proven and i have no scientific evidence to back it up… i’m too lazy to google

  3. We have huge bear vs shark arguments at work – not in a fight but which is scarier overall. I am going to spread the word on bear vs gorilla and give you my verdict.

    BTW – my vote is bear.

  4. I realize my vote has already been counted, but again Bear. The Grizzly is one of God’s most efficient killing machines. So much so, it can pick salmon out of a raging river. Forget the Moose…that’s some scary stuff.

    Also, I’m going to vote Lion. “That thing will do what God intended it to do, and that’s eat you with a smile on it’s face.”

  5. All great facts so far, and I, too, would pick bear. Why?

    Well, it seems – and I could be wrong – that gorillas are less likely to attack something they have an attachment to. For example, a gorilla typically won’t attack its caregiver in a zoo, but would injure some moron who wanted to get a little closer than comfort to the creature.

    Bears, however, are less predictable. Remember that guy who lived with the bears? These animals, in time, came close to him and he literally lived among them. Then what happened? One of those bitches killed his ass.

    …Bear wins.

  6. I’d have to go with bear too. Although a gorilla would probably be more defensive and intelligent, all a bear needs to do is get one good swipe in with it’s paw and the gorilla would be done for!

    I think that a bear could take down a lion too if it came down to it.

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