The bagel pouch

When I was a junior in high school I got my first real job.  Well, “real” according to The Man…don’t try and tell me that babysitting 3 boys (all under 6) and a dog isn’t real work.

I worked at Bruegger’s Bagel Bakery and it was the best.  Yes, the hours sometimes sucked (6am Saturday shifts which usually resulted in me spending my 30 minute break napping in my car) but I got all the free bagels I could eat and what’s better than free food?

The only down side to the daily consumption of bagels w/cream cheese, bagel sandwiches and breakfast bagels (with extra bacon and cheese as long as no one was looking) was that I started to develop a  bagel pouch.  The only weight I seemed to gain was this bagel-shaped protrusion circling my belly button.  It didn’t show in my face, my thighs or my arms.  In fact, b/w vacuuming at night and slicing bagels all day, my arms actually got pretty ripped (okay, fine, my ARM, I had one super massive gun).

When I went to college I decided that I would still work on breaks but after working Thanksgiving I decided that it was time to leave Bruegger’s behind.

My next job came the summer after my freshman year.  I worked at Marble Slab Creamery.  It’s one of those we’ll mix the toppings into the ice cream for you kind of places.  A lot of times we were left alone, just some high school and college kids running the place on a Saturday morning.  As you can imagine, we didn’t get a lot of traffic at noon on a Saturday so we’d spend the time coming up with our own ice cream mixes.

Did you know that if you mix the coffee and cinnamon flavors it tastes sort of like a cappuccino?

Did you know that if you mix the peanut butter and strawberry flavors it’s kind of like having a PB&J?  Same goes for peanut butter and banana.

We tried every combination possible.  Peppermint and coffee.  Sweet cream and banana.  Birthday cake and amaretto.

And do you want to know what the result of that was?  Other than coming up with some pretty fantastic ice cream ideas, I got a new little pouch.  The ice cream pouch.  Between the chocolate covered cones that we “accidentally” broke while dipping, to the “taster” spoons holding a legitimate scoop’s worth of ice cream I had managed to plump my tummy once more.

At least at this job I could even out the arms by scooping with the left hand.

As with all “breaks only” jobs, my time at MSC ended too.  When it came time to find a job at school I went the lazy easy route–cashier at the grocery store below my apartment.  I spent my nights reading the trash rags.  I was UP on my gossip but that was it.  My weight stayed normal and there was no muscle building activity.

After graduation, after the booze weight was gone, I was left with “real” jobs.  Desk jobs like the Trib, not-so-desk jobs like Elle and my current gig.

But lately I’ve noticed something a little disconcerting.

Turns out working above a deli that happens to have awesome bagels and then consuming those bagels on a daily basis will result in the return of the bagel pouch.

The only thing I can do now is start bulking up my arms again and maybe no one will notice.

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13 thoughts on “The bagel pouch

  1. i worked at friendly’s in HS and totally had the one ripped arm going on. i couldn’t even them out because as it turns out even though i’m a lefty i have ZERO muscle in that arm and couldn’t even scoop a sad little bit. it’s sad to know i was stronger in HS than i am now *mental note, get off the couch today

  2. I dated a girl that worked at an ice cream place in high school and I definitely packed on a few pounds.

    But those free sprinkles and eyes on my cone made it worth it.

  3. Matt: If that’s how I go out, I’ll have no complaints.

    NSJ: Oh yeah, unbalanced ripped arm syndrome is so classy!

    Narm: I love the candy eyes! Those are the best!

    Andy: Oh it’s official now. I’ve made it a tag. I love bagels THAT much.

    andhari: I’m sorry!! I can’t help but spread the bagely love!

  4. “The Return of the Bagel Pouch” . . .

    Doesn’t it sound like some sort of movie??? Obviously it must be a sequel to “The Bagel Pouch” . . . :P

  5. I hate to break this to you, but it’s only going to get worse. And if you think the “bagel pouch” is bad, you should try the “dating an Italian girl whose family loves to feed me pouch.” And by pouch, I mean everywhere.

  6. Haha. I used to work at the MOST AWESOME bakery. We would get a free pie or sandwich for lunch. We got to take home free bread at the end of the day. We got SO MUCH free stuff.
    Anyway, I was dead skinny despite all this and now I think about it and wish it was still like that!

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