What a difference a decade can make, or, when worlds collide

Today, my two worlds collided.  (That so does not right.  I know it is, but it sounds weird.  Why does collided sound so wrong?).

I found out that my 13-year-old cousin is on Facebook.

No good can come from this.

First, there will be the friend request.  Then I’ll be forced to ignore it.  Because there are things on my Fbook page that shouldn’t be seen by impressionable young eyes.

This blog, for example.

But you can’t ignore friend requests from family.  I’ll ignore her and then she’ll be hurt and then her mother will be offended and pretty soon all of the other relatives will have something to say about it.  So I’m left with no choice but to–

–what?!  What are my choices here?  I could add her, sure, and then so severely limit what she’s able to see.  But that’s no good.  I still put my blog posts in my status (b/c I’m a greedy, readership boosting blogger).

I went in to immediate panic mode.  I mean, what pictures CAN’T she see?

Silly, innocent college pictures like this:

being THAT GUY for Halloween
being THAT GUY for Halloween

…are no longer acceptable.  It becomes “Oh, well why does That Guy have a thong sticking out of his pants?  What does that mean?” and “Oh, who’s that guy downing a bottle of whisky on the poster behind you” instead of simply “hahaha…that’s a pretty sweet costume.  Are those really your ex-boyfriend’s jeans?”*

And pictures like this:

team "we're not THAT drunk" at beer olympics
team "we're not THAT drunk" at beer olympics

…become “ooh, I love your little outfits.  Wait, why do your shirts say Beer Olypmics?  Oh, it’s a WHOLE DAY of drinking games?  That sounds fun!”

And you know what, it is fun.  But it’s fun when you’re 22 (which is how old I was then).  It’s not fun when you’re 13 (because I still live in a world where I pretend that middle schoolers aren’t getting high on the playground and partaking in all sorts of sexual crap in the school bathrooms).

At 13, you shouldn’t be on Facebook.  You shouldn’t have access to your decade-older cousin’s pictures, friends or blogs.

My life will be a lot better if my cousin never knows how many bar tours I went on during my last month of college.  Or if she never finds out my thoughts on buses and assholes.  Or if she never hears (or reads) me use the word asshole!

Because here’s what will happen then.  She’ll see it or read it or whatever it.  And then she’ll want to do it.  And her mom will freak out.  And I’ll be blamed for being a bad influence when she’s the one who let her on Facebook in the first place.

Or, she’ll straight-up show her mom.  And her mom will freak out.  And I’ll be blamed for being a bad influence when she’s the one who let her on Facebook in the first place.

This is a lose-lose situation.  For me.  And for her.  NO good can come from this.

It’s like a very wise man once said on TV and then another pretty wise man told me: A George divided against himself, cannot stand!

And it’s true.  I need to keep the worlds apart.

la

la

*yes, yes they are.

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17 thoughts on “What a difference a decade can make, or, when worlds collide

  1. I had a friend request a while back and for some reason, my computer wouldn’t accept the request for about three months. Perhaps you could just say you WOULD add her but there’s some fault at the moment which means you can’t.

  2. Hey I have some great pics from freshman year to add to the collection…especially the ones with a certain bottle of tequila (which to this day I can’t drink). Anyway…I feel your pain. My 15 year old cousin did the same thing…and I’m like great I don’t want them to see my friends’ vulgar comments on my wall or that pic of that guy’s face in my boobs. However, out of guilt, I accepted them and was shocked to find they have just as bad stuff on their page!!! WTF is the world coming too!?!? I should tell my mom that he’s a bad influence on me…not vice versa!

  3. I would just write her back and say, “Who is this?”

    Then she’ll be all confused and text back some boy she thought that is cute.

    Done and done.

  4. Um, or maybe nothing will happen and she’ll just look at your Fbook and think “wow, look how kewl Lauren is!”

    My 14-year-old cousin is my friend on MySpace. She’s seen it all. I’m not worried…

  5. I have lots of younger cousins on Facebook. I have kids (though they’re not kids anymore I suppose) I taught how to snowboard on Facebook! I get more concerned with what I see in their accounts then what is in mine.
    Also, you can block them from certain parts of your profile *evil grin*

  6. aren’t 13yr olds into way worse stuff than you were 6 years ago? i mean all i ever hear is about them sending nudie photos and getting pregnant and high so i imagine her pictures might be worse than yours. i say friend her… then later you can un-friend her a few days later and she’ll never even know! i do it all the time : )

  7. Um, we can TOTALLY relate. Another lesson learned? Don’t blog about how Facebook isn’t for old people in a place where your old relatives on facebook can read it. Not. Good.

  8. I totally think of it this way: If your aunty wouldn’t let your cousin be real life friends and hang out with 20-somethings then she shouldn’t let her add you.
    U might be relatives but there’s a line. Of course there will be things there you don’t want her to see. It’s not age appropriate.

    But then, my dad just added me. Eek. But that’s kind of ok. He knows more or less what I get up to. He’s older and he knows not to read into what I have on my page because by getting facebook, he’s just asking for it haha.

  9. My mom, aunt, uncle, and my 13- and 14-year-old cousins are all on Facebook (My dad is too, but I blocked him long ago. Since my parents are divorced and he doesn’t run in the same circles as those other family members, he still has no clue I’m on it.). Since I’ve long been Facebook friends with my 21- and 24-y/o cousins — who are sisters of those young cousins and daughters of that aunt — I had no choice but to add everyone else when they FR’d me. As a result, my profile’s pretty basic, and needless to say, I don’t hang around Facebook much anymore.

  10. I always love a good Seinfeld reference. That Costanza rant might be in my all time top 5 Seinfeld moments. Off the top of my head, the Marine Biologist speech is also up there.

    By the way, you have a 13 year old cousin? Who knew?

  11. Ben: Yeah, that’d end the friendship for me too. I’m not sure what kind of little kid pictures they could pull out of hiding….

    Paula: Ah yes, but then I’d have to add her at SOME point.

    Jess: Oh…the tequila pictures…yeah, those would be on the list of pictures she shouldn’t see. For sure. Wow, that was an excellent night haha!

    rs27: Interesting plan actually….

    MinD: If she were normal, she would. Her mom is wicked over protective though. Even the pictures on my camera of me kissing Boo she’s blushed at and tried to hide from her mom.

    Erica: Poor kid, she’d be blocked from so much it wouldn’t even be worth it.

    NSJ: That’s true. Kids today, I’ll tell you. Back in my day….wait. No no. I won’t do that.

    Rebecca: Haha noted!

    Meg: I wonder if I could get away with that….

    Kez: In all fairness, she’d tell her mom nothing was on my page and then sneak pics of me boozing so she’d know what kind of vodka to buy when she started drinking. Crazy kids!

    katelin: It’s true! What are they doing there? This is supposed to be for college kids. That’s how it started…where, WHERE did it all go wrong?!

    joshlos: Bummer. I’d hate to have my page THAT censored.

    andhari: My mom told me she had no interest in being on Facebook. I thanked her profusely.

    phillyesq: You’re kidding, right?

    Arjewtino: Wow. Now that you say it, I do, huh? What can I say, they don’t call me Booty for nothing.

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