In support of Ben’s contest, I decided to tell you all the story of my worst hangover. Parental units, I’d stop reading here.*
There comes a time in every new drinker’s life where they will take one sip too many and realize, hm, this won’t end well. I had my moment during my freshman year.
Spring semester I joined a co-ed service fraternity. It wasn’t so much for the service as it was for the partying. We pledged for the whole spring semester and it culminated in the I-night (initiation night) festivities. For our pledge class, this consisted of I-night on Friday. A pledge-hosted party on Saturday. And then Bolt, where the pledges “kidnap” their Bigs to get them back (read: throw them a party) for the parties on Big/Little weekend, on Sunday.
For those of you keeping track, that’s 3 solid days of drinking. So I-night we went were welcomed into our “families” and then went to the family party, where each fam has their own traditions. The tradition in my family? Shots of tequila and jungle juice made w/Everclear. I put my foot down on the tequila shot but I was more than ready for the jungle juice. Well on our way to drunk we made our way to the big party. It was at a subset of this party that I had my first upside down margarita shot. You know what I’m talking about: sit in a chair, tilt your head back and leave the pouring up to your friends. In my case it was a senior I had a crush on, my senior pledge master who I also had a crush on and my best friend. Margarita mix in, tequila in, triple sec in. Swish and swallow. Then my pledge master picked up, flipped me over, and “shook me like a salt shaker” (thanks, by the way, Ying Yang Twins for that craze).
Suffice it to say, I was completely wasted by the time my pledge master walked me home. This led to bad decisions (read: making out and wishing the next morning that I hadn’t). Saturday night and we hosted our pledge party. My pledge buddies all heard about my misadventures with PM. Taking advantage of that, they created a rule during a game of Kings: every time my best friend pulled a card (not every time she pulled a black or a red or a king or an 8–just a card) I had to make out with my other senior crush (the margarita mix pourer/friend of PM). This obviously seemed like a great idea. What did we know? We were still liquored up from the night before.
Sunday finally rolled around. Surprising even ourselves, we were up and kidnapping our respective Bigs by 2pm. By 4pm they were all gathered in the apartment and drinking. We thought that it would be a great idea to try and catch up. With rum and cokes. By 6pm we were out of ice so we went to convenience store downstairs. At this point one of my pledge buddies realized that he’d spent $30 on mixers in 2 days (which said a lot in an era where mixers were 99 cent 2-liters of Pepsi). This struck me as hilarious and I erupted in laughter. Then gagged, afraid that in mere seconds I would be erupting with rum and/or coke.
After this I was sequestered in the bathroom. It was a 90+ degree day in an apartment with a barely functionioning AC and WAY more people in it than should have been. I was in panic mode (I do NOT throw up…ever…as in really haven’t yakked since 5th grade). I spent the next hour or so on the floor, in front of the toilet with the shower blasting cold water behind me to try and cool me/the room down. The rest of the party people played flip cup (a game I happen to rule at). I was stuck on the floor. Then they packed up the remaining booze and took the party off-campus. I was still stuck on the floor.
After everyone cleared out of the apartment, my margarita mix-pouring crush walked (read: dragged my drunk, stumbling ass) me home and stayed with me for awhile until my roommate came home. I passed on his offer to stay until I sobered up. Given the amount of alcohol I’d consumed in the last 3 days, it was somewhere around Wednesday.
Don’t be a Jonze.
*Sorry to the parental units. I know you probably read anyway. Just remember that I totally dropped out of the frat and graduated in 4 years with 2 majors. That’s something to be proud of, right? Right? Right.