One-liners make me very happy

I love one-liners.  There is nothing better than a great one-liner–a really well-timed awesome one-liner.  They are the best.

In high school and college, my away messages were constantly filled with one liners.  My profile consisted of one liner montages after any significant event; prom, new year’s eve (aka my birthday–I TOLD you I plug that); a particularly, uh, interesting, pong tournament.

I was thinking that it would be so fun to write posts about some of those.  I mean, they’re pretty funny.  Then I realized–they’re really only funny in context–as one-liners.  So I thought I would do something else to showcase them.

It’s contest time!!

I’m going to post this again in a more permanent spot but I wanted to make sure everyone saw this.  So here’s what I’m thinking.  I’m going to give a list of some of my favorite one-liners.  I’m not telling you who said them or what their context was.  Then you guys will all write something (300 words-ish) really hilarious (for a prize to be determined at a later date but I promise it won’t suck!) and you will include, somewhere in the story, the line.  Then, after all of the entries are in, I’ll pick a winner (bonus points if you come close to getting the context of the one-liner right!).

Contest will start September 1 and end September 5.  But I know it’s Labor Day weekend and chances are no one will be reading tomorrow or Monday anyway so I want to give you guys enough time.

The one-liners (which in all fairness may be updated by the 1st…so check back to the official rules page when it goes up!):

  1. Apple hoarding bitches!
  2. G’head.  Roast your chicken.  And I hope you enjoy it.
  3. I’m going to have an aneurysm trying to suck this thing out.
  4. I have to pee.  But not in this bed.



Well?  What are you waiting for?!  Get writing!!




8 thoughts on “One-liners make me very happy

  1. Day-um woman! A writing assignment? Couldn’t you make it a doughnut eating contest? Can I just hand in the next 15 pages of my thesis? I think that I can fit number 3 into it.

  2. I’m with Dingo – is it ok if I turn in a 16 page ethics paper with #1 in it somewhere? You have time to read a boring 16 page paper right?

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