I’m sorry some aspect of my genetic code has caused you to hate me.

I’m putting something out there.  I don’t want to call it a warning, per say, but I’d advise that it be followed nonetheless.

Do not. Call me. A skinny bitch.

Unless, of course, you want me to start acting like one.

Lately, I’ve been getting called a skinny bitch.  Lately, I’m not allowed to talk about food, offer food to people, mention that I’m going to get food.  I’m not allowed to say that I weighed a lot after my freshman year because the dining hall food was so gross I ate nothing but cheese steaks all year.  I’m not allowed to say I put on pounds after turning 21 because of the, uh, adult beverages I’d started to enjoy nor can I mention that I finally lost the beer weight after graduation.

And do you want to hear something?  I’m over it.

I’m sorry that I’m Italian and that my whole family is teeny tiny and we just happen to have really great genes.  I’m sorry I don’t pound 6 packs every night after work or eat fast food for every meal.  I’m sorry that I don’t drink the equivalent of a 2-liter of Diet Coke every day.

I’m sorry that I never had to join Weight Watchers, Jenny Craig or Nutrisystem.

I’m sorry that I like salads and that I’m not big on breakfast so sometimes I only eat 2 meals a day, and one of them is made entirely of things found in gardens.

I’m sorry that sometimes for lunch you see me eating things like this:

Yeah.  That’s a 6-pack of bread sticks and a piece of black tie mousse cake from Olive Garden.  And yeah, I ate the cake first.  (And yeah, I was so craving chocolate that day that I didn’t remember until I was halfway through the cake that I wanted to take a picture of it just so I could make this point!)

But do you know what you didn’t see?  You didn’t see me save the bread sticks for dinner.  You didn’t see that I ate only 3 of them with some hummus.

You didn’t know that I used to work at Elle, where even a size 6 was at risk of being called fat.  That the stress of moving to the city and trying to get a job and then working someplace where I was literally running every day resulted in me dropping to a size zero and still feeling chubby some days because I wasn’t a negative zero and slinking around in heels and tights and mini dresses with cinched waists that showed off my fabulous figure caused by eating only 1 bowl of steamed broccoli a day.  But where, at the same time, people who were under 5’2″ were allowed to be a normal weight for their height.

Which, in case you are wondering, is what I am.  So I’m sorry that I’m short and therefore skinny.  But I am NOT a bitch.  I don’t brag about my weight.  I eat like horse most of the time in the attempt to put a few pounds on so I can stop shopping at Delia’s.  I love pizza and ice cream (lactose intolerance be DAMNED).  I put bacon, cheese or ranch dressing on everything I can.  I make pasta AT LEAST once a week.

And you, pointing out that I’m skinny, is the same thing as me pointing out that you are less so.  And I would never do that.  Because weight is always, male or female, old or young, a touchy subject.  Kind of like age.  And I don’t need you to remind me that once I get closer to 30, I’ll start to look like you.  Because I know that.  So that’s why I am taking care of myself now and watching what I eat.  And I’m sorry that you never did, but don’t make that my problem.

Because I would not say that I’m a “skinny bitch.”  I’m skinny, sure.  But if you really want, I’ll start playing the part of the bitch.  I just don’t think you want that, do you?




*NOTE: I’m sorry that this was so preachy because I generally prefer to amuse you guys rather than get all “pity me while I’m on my soap box.”  But sometimes, a girl’s gotta do what a girl’s gotta do, and this was one girl who just had enough and thought it time to say something.  There, I’m done now.*


20 thoughts on “I’m sorry some aspect of my genetic code has caused you to hate me.

  1. I used to be super thin too. And I ate whatever and I didn’t try to be thin. I just was.

    And people would tell me they hate me and call me “skinny bitch” and all that shit and it just made me feel guilty for not being fat.

    WTF is that shit about?

    And now I’m not super thin, but I’m far from fat and I have to watch what I eat and I work out until I want to puke and people still tell me they hate me.

    People have such issues, don’t they?

  2. Kristen: Ugh, I’m glad I’m not the only one this has happened to! It’s so not my fault! I wish people would get lives sometimes.

    Ben: Thanks man. That means a lot!!

  3. good for you. i’m in the same camp (except in the last 12 mos i’ve put on 18 lbs… growing old sucks). i was the same weight from middle school until the last few months.
    everyone has got their issues and other people are just so jealous… i’m always blown away when people just ask how much you weigh. seriously?!?
    people who aren’t naturally thin just don’t get it. they never will.

  4. I have never known the ladies to behave ladylike toward one another, and I, too, have been called a skinny bitch, through the ha-ha-I-hate-you-so-much smile.

    Just another passive aggressive way to say how… [after school special line] …jealous they are of you.

    (I hate women.)

    Now go eat a box of donuts, you S—– B—-. (I kid.)

  5. Apollo: Thanks!

    NSJ: It’s true! They just don’t get it!

    Jessica: Ooh, I love the smile, it’s the best part of it. If I reversed the “compliment,” smiling or not, I’d get slugged for a “fat joke.” And believe me, I’m having the fattiest lunch I can find today.

  6. I was never called a skinny bitch. My brother did moo outside my bedroom door at times during childhood, however, insinuating I was a cow. How lovely.

    And I might’ve eeked out an “I hate you” to people who can eat anything and still look fabulous, but it’s only ’cause I’m jealous, which is why people call you a skinny bitch (though, knowing you “in real life” as well as the blog world, you are clearly not the latter). They’re just jealous, which, if I were you, I’d totally bask in, ha.

  7. You go, girl!!!!!
    Hell, you’ve got great genes by the sounds of it! Lucky you! No-one should be hating on that!
    They’re just jealous of you.
    As long as you’re happy and healthy, who the f*ck cares?!
    They can kiss your skinny butt hahaha.

  8. I used to go to the gym 5 days a week. No joke, every weekday morning before everyone else at home woke up. I worked my ass off, literally. And all I would get was shit for it about how I was so lucky and oh my god she must be puking, and blah blah blah. No- I am working it away, legitimately, the way that you can too, like anybody can.

    Then I got married, second baby, more school, less gym, more pudge.

    And wouldn’t you know it?! Now all I get is “is everything ok? You are getting a little heavy”

    Are you kidding me?!

    Honestly, I could care less really. I need the gym time now to see my kids, and read. So much more fun than the gym!

  9. Heather: Thanks! And yeah…pasta…mmm….

    Dingo: Damn straight. There’s probably a brownie with my name on it….

    Kez: Haha thanks!

    Jessica: It’s like a no-win with some people, isn’t it?

  10. I’ve had an ongoing struggle with my weight for years. I hate people who judge and have comments like that. You never know what someone is going through and everyone has their own body issues, skinny or heavier.

    It infuriates me that people say shit like this to you! Ugh.

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