(Boo is posting today because I’m swamped at work and he’s just that sweet! Plus, he’s got some anger issues regarding certain craft products that he needs to start working out….)
Alright, it’s time to pull this car over and talk about something a little more serious. We have a growing epidemic in the world and it’s about time that someone put a stop to it. I’m talking about glitter here people and I’m sick of it!
I know what you’re thinking: “How could a man possibly be upset about glitter? It makes us girls look so cute!” or “Dude no girl has worn glitter since like…9th grade, get over it!” False! Look, even my senior year in college, El Girlfriendo was finding glitter on me when I got home from work, so there is obviously a bigger problem here that we thought.
I guess that’s where this all starts. Do you have any idea the questions I got coming home from Chili’s with glitter all over me?! I’m not saying she was worried about my sexuality (of course a guy wearing glitter DOES cause some alarm) but perhaps wondering who I was gallivanting around at work. The answer to that question is still: NO GIRL WEARS GLITTER IN COLLEGE.
That answer is of course a lie. Every girl who has ever worn glitter at any point in their lives is still wearing it. Do you have any idea how hard it is to get rid of glitter?! You can wipe it with your hand, or wash your face…IT’S STILL THERE! All of the glitter on earth was made at the same time. Then someone decided that it was awesome to put it IN EVERYTHING.
Great craft idea? Elmer’s glue and put a little glitter on it! Then they had the glitter pens, and then they started making make-up with glitter to make girls shimmer. Look…girls already shimmer, it’s called sweat and that is ALL. THEY. NEED!
Guys, you remember coming home in high school from your first date. You said you went to dinner and then to a movie. Then your brother asked you why you had glitter all over you. Yeah…you were busted. I like to call this the “Mark of the Chick”.
It doesn’t stop in high school though. I headed back to Penn State last year and took some of my friends to a football game. The highlight of course was going out the night before, showing off all that State College has to offer. We decided to stop by the local grocery (McLanahan’s to those in the know) to pick up the evening essentials; some of us needed cash, the roommate’s friend needed smokes. As I stood there in line I looked at the cashier and knew instantly that I hated her. I couldn’t find any reason to hate her; in fact it was the first time without knowing someone or even talking to them that I instantly hated them. Then it hit me…. The previous fall a friend from work had a Halloween party. I went as Quailman, underwear and all.
(Yeah, the 80’s camp counselor is Lauren)
This girl was at that party and she was in costume. She had ears on and was wearing all black and a tail. Apparently I was angry that night, for whatever reason, and asked her what she was in a snarky tone: “Let me guess…you’re a ‘Sexy Cat’.” I thought it was a fair guess.
She proceeded to empty something into her hand and said “NOPE! *poof* I’m a rat! Now you have the plague!!! Hehehe!”
Yeah…SHE BLEW GLITTER IN MY EYES!!!! I screamed and I’m pretty sure that I cursed. A LOT.
She had already run away…and lucky that she did because I would have killed her if my friend hadn’t taken me upstairs. I tried as hard as I could to get the glitter out of my eyes, and let me tell you. THAT BURNS.
So there you go folks. A public service announcement that glitter NEEDS TO GO, or at least shouldn’t be used as warfare. Now if you’ll excuse me I have glitter to wash off my face…I have no idea how it got there.