I don’t really understand aloe vera

This weekend Boo and I went to Block Island.  It’s a totally stuck in time, touristy island about 15 miles off the coast of RI so we got to go on an adventure and we like that.  Plus, we went last year so it’s becoming our place.  We had a pretty awesome day and I will tell you all about it tomorrow (with the aid of the pictures that I was too lazy to upload when I got home last night).

Since Boo and I are working folk now and don’t really see the sun much, we decided to eschew logic and forgo sunscreen.  This, as it turned out, was not one of our brightest ideas.  *Note, I did predict the exact outcome of the no-sunscreen plan and warned my mom in the hopes of avoiding an “I told you” conversation, which I did, but only because I preempted the I told you so with my OWN I told you so.  It has the same result, but I can feel a little better about myself that way.  Aw…


By the time Boo and I got to the beach after all of our sightseeing, etc. and were ready for the water we realized just how burnt we were.  There seemed to be no point in applying sunscreen at that point what with the getting in the water and rinsing it off so we skipped it.  Plus, by that point in the day Boo’s racoon eyes were pretty much beyond fixing.

Finally feeling as though we’d exhausted ourselves, we hopped on the ferry and headed back home.  Before the ferry left the harbor we knew we were in serious trouble.  Boo’s forehead was a lovely shade of red and my arms and legs were sporting really attractive farmer’s tan lines.  Always classy.  (Made even classier by my decision to wear a cap-sleeved dress this morning…whoops!)

When we finally got back to CT we went to CVS to load up on Aloe Vera.  Before we left the store, Boo asked me if I needed a bottle for the city.  No, I assured him, I have one at home.

LIES!!  Of course I didn’t have aloe in my bathroom.  This fact defies all laws of aloe.

I don’t know what it is about aloe vera.  It’s only sold in massive tubes.  More aloe than you should ever need.  But here’s what happens.  No one ever buys aloe vera thinking they will need it.  They only buy it after the fact.  Then they remember that they had a tube of aloe at home somewhere and, oh, wouldn’t it had made so much more sense just to pack that.  Now there are 2 tubes of this stuff in your bathroom.

Then you go away again.  Maybe it’s a weekend trip.  Or a day trip.  Or a whatever.  But you don’t plan to get sun.  In fact, you know there is just NO CHANCE that you will get sun.  But somehow you get sun.  And not even sun, you get BURNT!  And then you’re out and you can’t move your arms and your face has no choice to remain motionless and people think you got Botox because you have no expression but it’s really just that furrowing your brow makes you cry.  So you buy another tube of aloe vera.

The aloe industry MUST be planning this.  They have to make a fortune on this stuff.  It’s genius, really, because you don’t feel bad buying it because it was only $3 for that whole huge tube!  Then, at the end of the summer, you search your bathroom and realize that you have $15 worth of aloe in there and you only went to the beach twice.

I really don’t understand aloe vera.  But I still wish I had a tube of it today….


7 thoughts on “I don’t really understand aloe vera

  1. There’s this one Aloe Vera, it has some kind of topical anesthetic on it- it makes sunburns totally painless. Best thing in the world…I think it is made by a company called tropical breeze or something.

    Its wonderful

  2. I knew I was in the wrong line of work. The Aloe Vera business is a gold mine!

    I’m quitting today and starting a company – you in?

    You can have a 15 minute lunch break. Everyday!

  3. Chuckles and I got really burned this weekend too and had the same problem! Freaky! We were going to pick some up on our way home, but I was SURE I had some. I must’ve lost it in the move…oopsies.

  4. Matt: Is it as soothing AS a tropical breeze would be? Because that makes me happy. And also makes me think I need to run to Duane Reade after work.

    Apollo: Can my job in the company be scouring the beach for burn victims while all-the-while working on my totally bodacious (yeah, I SAID it) tan? Ah, whatever, I’m in anyway.

    Meg: Aloe vera is tricky stuff….VERY hard to keep tabs on.

    DoD: Hawaiian Breeze. They wanted to be more specific about how they ripped me off.

  5. Update:

    I went to Duane Reade today at lunch and COMPLETELY forgot to buy Aloe. Something about the stuff makes people completely forget they need it unless they are literally on fire and completely forget they have it when they DO remember to buy it.


  6. haha your aloe observations are so true. Although, I think I can beat the marketing conspiracy. I bought a tube in Thailand on my honeymoon and I know exactly where it is…I have my eye on it…and if I should be in sunny weather, it’s coming with me…oh who am I kidding…as if i will remember something like that!!

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