Whoa! You’ve got to WARN me if there’s WHEAT in there!

I never pack a lunch on the Monday after I’ve been in CT. Actually, truth be told, I rarely pack a lunch on Monday at all, but I definitely never pack the Monday after a travel weekend. When I buy a lunch I usually get the same thing from the same place. I’m very boring, I know, but they deliver and that’s nice because I am lazy and don’t like to stand in line. Sometimes I am in the mood for something different and I’ll go get a burger or a sandwich, but mostly I get a salad from Tossed. Romaine, avocado, cheddar, bacon and buttermilk ranch because when I do salads I do salads like a fat kid.

Yesterday I was feeling like it was time for a change, time for something new and delicious. The summer before my junior year in college I had a weird schedule, 2 hours b/w classes, and I knew if I went home I wouldn’t go back to class. So I’d hang out on campus and get a salad wrap from this place in the HUB. Salami, cheddar, mozzarella, grapes (don’t JUDGE me) and balsamic vinaigrette in a tomato basil wrap. It was slammin’. So when I started feeling like I wanted something different, I decided to order a crepe from Tossed. By the menu’s description, it should have been delicious. Turkey, cheddar, sliced almonds, avocado and buttermilk dressing. It didn’t seem like there was any way I could go wrong.

Then it arrived. I was so excited, I tore open the wrapper and–what the crepe?! This thing is WHEAT?! Oooh no, Tossed, you never mentioned anything about WHEAT.

Now I don’t like to be a carb snob or anything, but, you know what, okay, fine, I am. There, I said it. I am VERY particular about my breads and pastas. I know that wheat is healthier and better for me and it supposedly tastes just as good but I don’t care.

First of all, I am young and if I can’t eat unhealthily now, when can I? I’m eating processed bread as it is. It’s not fresh from the oven. So if I prefer the taste of processed “Italian” bread over wheat, who’s to say that’s wrong? If I happen to like when the bread gets stuck to the roof of my mouth (sorry Chris, we don’t all hate that) who’s to say that’s wrong? If all of that is wrong, then cliches be damned, I don’t wanna be right!

Second of all, I just think wheat bread is gross. In fact, it’s not just my taste buds, my whole body rejects wheat. There are documented incidents of my throat just closing up when I bite into things that are on wheat bread. Closes right up. I’m not kidding, you can’t MAKE this stuff up. I mean, you can, but who would do that? Not me, because I am trying to prove a point.

So this is the issue. I feel that Tossed should have warned me that I was getting a wheat crepe. I feel that wheat can’t just be issued out without a heads up from the vendor. It’s just wrong. I can’t even describe how utterly disappointed I was with my lunch yesterday. I was bummed to the max. I was so distraught that I couldn’t bear the thought of a similar lunch let down happening that I brought Peanut Butter and Jelly today because I KNEW that I would never be let down by such a classic.
And you know what? I wasn’t.

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16 thoughts on “Whoa! You’ve got to WARN me if there’s WHEAT in there!

  1. What’s with everything here being one word?

    “Tossed.” Like it makes it so fucking cool because it’s one word. All the stupid clubs are one word too – “Aer” “Home.”

    Why don’t they just call them, “Places that suck and charge to much for a Goose and Soda?”

    That makes much more sense.

    Also, wheat bread is better.

    And…..

    WORLD’S LONGEST COMMENT!

  2. I am so with you on this one. Wheat bread is disgusting – whoever said that it tastes the same is a big fat liar.

  3. now i love wheat bread, i really do. actually as i was growing up i wasn’t allowed “white” bread.

    but that isn’t my comment point.

    i can’t stop giggling about this tossed place you speak of. tossed salads make me giggle. oy

  4. Apollo: Points awarded for longest comment. 3.79 points awarded, to be exact. And do you want to know why? Because if I gave you “4” you’d be all pissed that it was a whole number just like a single word and I can’t HAVE people being upset about my blog.

    Meg: Total liars because it is GROSS.

    Alexa: I’ll keep my fingers crossed that you get one in the OH soon.

  5. I’m so sneaking wheat into your diet a little at a time. You’ll never notice, because I AM JUST THAT DAMN GOOD!!!! …I mean I love you….

  6. Matt: But I’ll KNOW that it’s in there, and I’ll find a way to save the cheese and scrap the wheat. I feel THAT strongly about it. Actually, it was on a grilled cheese sandwich that my throat closed up when it realized I was about to eat wheat bread…

  7. This is unrelated, but:

    Every time I see the “Wild Wex” tag I think for a second that it says “Wild Sex,” and then I think “I had no idea this was one of those kind of blogs” and then go to click it and then I realize it doesn’t say that at all.

  8. I love that bread-mouth-stick effect. (Only with Italian bread.) And I am seriously missing Italian bread right now. Hell, bread of all origins.

  9. Kristen: I am. And I have learned to embrace it.

    Apollo: I can’t believe you would click a link that you thought said “Wild Sex.” Wait, I can believe it.

    Matt: No way. Not even half a chance.

    Jessica: THANK YOU! I was beginning to think I was the only one….

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