I got the burn!!

I do not have an STD so stop being gross. Nor is this a sun-related post because, well, I haven’t really been outside much yet. But that is a whole OTHER issue.

This isn’t even about the fact that I managed to massively crisp my arm up while trying to bake cookies on Friday. And I did. And that burn hurts like a mofo, okay?

Nope. This is about the fact that I am an old man. And that I have acid reflux like you can’t even believe.

I am 23. And a chick. Those are pretty much the exact opposite descriptions of “old man” yet I somehow have the digestive system of an 80+ male. Every other day I am plagued with ridiculous heartburn–unless of course I take Zantac…150. Yeahp.

I realized that I had acid reflux a few years back. I was having some weird breathing issues. For the most part, I was fine. But every so often, it was like I couldn’t get enough air into my lungs. I would have to take these massive breathes and coughed a lot. When I told the doctor, she asked if this was usually after a big meal. Well whaddya know? It was. And there you go. A college freshman and I’ve got acid reflux.

Then I got the bad news–the list of foods I had to avoid:


-Tomatoes/tomato products

(I’m already screwed. I’m Italian. You’ve just eliminated my 2 main food groups.)



(Whoa, no caffeine. I’m in college. How else am I supposed to make it through my 8am classes? This was the point in my education where I ceased scheduling/attending 8ams.)

-Foods high in fat

-Foods high in sugar

-Foods high in acidity

-Artificial sweetners

(Again, I hate to be a nuisance, but I am in college. There are only so many food products I actually ingest. I am really running out of options here.)


(I am a girl.  You CANNOT take chocolate from me).


(Um, hi, my mint intake is strictly BECAUSE my stomach hurts and I’m trying to make it stop.  What the hell?)

By the time the list was done I was basically left with bread and water. I could have pasta, but not with sauce. I could have pizza, but not with sauce. I could have rum but not with coke. Well, actually I think rum was on the list of things I was supposed to avoid too. And trust me, acid reflux is a big part of why I am a gin and gingerale girl.

But anyway…here I am. 5ish years later. Still with crazy acid reflux. Still popping a Zantac every morning. And why? Because I can’t stay away from caffeine. Because I am Italian and I love me some marinara sauce and because my meatball recipe would just be sad without onions and garlic.


10 thoughts on “I got the burn!!

  1. I’m kind of upset that you assume Old Men all have acid reflux.

    but not really because I think they might.

    and that sucks because one day I will be old.

    and I just now realized this will happen to me.

    and I’m not excited.

  2. My girlfriend has acid reflux too and she deals with it the same way you do – by doing nothing about it and popping Tums like she’s their Spokesperson.

  3. Matt: Embrace it, man, it’s inevitable. Also, eat as many of the forbidden foods as you can now while you’re young and properly digesting things.

    Apollo: She and I have a lot in common. Does she know about the goodness of acidopholous? She should…

  4. A friend of mine thought she had acid reflux for a WHILE until she realized it had to do with gluten. She has Celiac disease and just couldn’t eat gluten of any kind.

    Since you’ve been to the doc – I’m sure he/she knew what they were talking about, but it’s just something else you might want to check into

  5. um that list of foods to stay away from BLOWS. im sorry, that just stinks.

    i would just carry tums around or may break them up into my food to stop the burn in advance? ha

  6. Deutlich: Okay, that was nearly a medical scare, but thanks to the magic of WebMD I am pretty sure I’m sans Celiac. Thanks for the concern tho!

    Alexa: I know. It makes me sad.

  7. Good lord I was going to ask what in the world you could eat and then you said bread and water. That would just be a depressing life. I would be taking the zantac every morning too!

  8. Meg: It is a little depressing. But now I have cool mint Zantac and life has a little more flavor. Also, it kind of proves to me that mint shouldn’t be on the “no no” list if it’s the flavor of the heartburn medicine. Just saying.

    Kez: It’s hard…and boring…and some days, it results in a really bad stomach-ache b/c I just give up on all that “rule following” nonsense.

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