I do not have an STD so stop being gross. Nor is this a sun-related post because, well, I haven’t really been outside much yet. But that is a whole OTHER issue.
This isn’t even about the fact that I managed to massively crisp my arm up while trying to bake cookies on Friday. And I did. And that burn hurts like a mofo, okay?
Nope. This is about the fact that I am an old man. And that I have acid reflux like you can’t even believe.
I am 23. And a chick. Those are pretty much the exact opposite descriptions of “old man” yet I somehow have the digestive system of an 80+ male. Every other day I am plagued with ridiculous heartburn–unless of course I take Zantac…150. Yeahp.
I realized that I had acid reflux a few years back. I was having some weird breathing issues. For the most part, I was fine. But every so often, it was like I couldn’t get enough air into my lungs. I would have to take these massive breathes and coughed a lot. When I told the doctor, she asked if this was usually after a big meal. Well whaddya know? It was. And there you go. A college freshman and I’ve got acid reflux.
Then I got the bad news–the list of foods I had to avoid:
(I’m already screwed. I’m Italian. You’ve just eliminated my 2 main food groups.)
(Whoa, no caffeine. I’m in college. How else am I supposed to make it through my 8am classes? This was the point in my education where I ceased scheduling/attending 8ams.)
-Foods high in fat
-Foods high in sugar
-Foods high in acidity
(Again, I hate to be a nuisance, but I am in college. There are only so many food products I actually ingest. I am really running out of options here.)
(I am a girl. You CANNOT take chocolate from me).
(Um, hi, my mint intake is strictly BECAUSE my stomach hurts and I’m trying to make it stop. What the hell?)
By the time the list was done I was basically left with bread and water. I could have pasta, but not with sauce. I could have pizza, but not with sauce. I could have rum but not with coke. Well, actually I think rum was on the list of things I was supposed to avoid too. And trust me, acid reflux is a big part of why I am a gin and gingerale girl.
But anyway…here I am. 5ish years later. Still with crazy acid reflux. Still popping a Zantac every morning. And why? Because I can’t stay away from caffeine. Because I am Italian and I love me some marinara sauce and because my meatball recipe would just be sad without onions and garlic.