Curl me baby, curl me right

I am over my summer hair. This is a problem because, well, it’s not technically summer until next week. But I don’t care. I am OVER it.

In case you’ve never looked at my picture I have curly hair. And I have a lot of it. And it is big. So, to recap, I have big, poofy hair.

If my hair is short, I tend to look like this:

Except…you know…female.

And when my hair is longer, and I attempt to tame it (aka blow it dry so I can straighten the living shit out of it) I look like this:

Except…you know…without the freakish clown makeup.

So, as you can guess, this is kind of an issue. And when it’s hot and humid out, well, I look like Monica Gellar in The One in Barbados.

So I pile on the products. First the curling spray/leave-in conditioner. Then the gel. Then the smoothing serum. It looks good. Then I walk outside and….POOF! Cute hair is gone and poofy, ridiculous, uncontrollable fluff is back.

And there’s nothing I can do with it. Every day for the last few weeks I have twisted the front pieces of my hair into a little baby faux hawk and the rest of it just hangs in there, poofing and fluffing and doubling in size, despite its outer edges being crispy and crunchy from the gel. Then, about halfway through the day I get so annoyed with it and so overcome by hair claustrophobia that I have to pull it back and get it entirely out of my way. And it sucks.

What’s a girl to do? I can’t straighten it, which is really the only chance I have to make it do anything different. It’ll frizz out in moments and be a half an hour that I could have been sleeping. I can’t just leave it down–the faux hawk is the only thing standing in the way of me and frizzy little fly aways (well, mostly).

The result? At least 3 times a week I complain to Boo about how much I hate my hair and how I’m going to shave it and how I hope he still loves me when he sees me looking like I walked off the set of The Bald and the Beautiful.

Of course, he says he will because Boo is awesome like that. But I’m pretty sure if I pull a Topanga and hack out some of my hair in the hallway (to prove a point, of course) he’ll be wishing that I were still a little poofy head.


10 thoughts on “Curl me baby, curl me right

  1. Apollo: Lack of wit aside I appreciate the compliment. You’re the second today. Although I’m not sure if “your curls are so…magnanimous” counts as a compliment.

  2. I don’t have a poofy problem. I have a waves in wrong places problem.

    So, yeah. I understand your frustration.

    Have you tried using crappy shampoo that will leave a buildup and weigh your hair down so it won’t fluff anymore?

    That’s what I do. I look like a greaseball, but at least I don’t have flyaways.

  3. Kristen: Oh I’ve got a little of that going on too. Do you also have the thing where some of pieces curl and some wave and some do a weird mix of both but it’s still nothing workable? That’s always a fun one.

    Matt: Yeah, posts like this make me wish I was a dude.

    Boo: Are you saying you enjoy my poofy head?

  4. I don’t know what you’re talking about – that first picture is Hott!

    In all seriousness – I’ve got the same problem. Luckily for me there isn’t much humidity here so my hair stays straight but the second it rains I can’t go outside from the fear of having an instant afro.

  5. Meg: Zero to afro in under 30 seconds. It’s a skill not all people can master. We are the lucky ones.

    Rachel: You mean my good buddy Phil Spector? He’s in Curly Heads Anonymous with me….ooh crap. My bad, Phil.

  6. I too battle the poof. On cool-dry days I like my curls. When the humidity rears it’s ugly head, which is more often than not here in sunny Alabama, I feel like shaving my head.

    Seriously-for kicks at home my husband throws little things in my hair. Once I awoke to find a tiny plastic devil duck lurking in there! My husband didn’t find his tooth brush that morning. :D

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