As per….?

I’m a big proponent of speaking in abbreviations. I’m actually in a Facebook group dedicated to it (it’s obvi you’re just jeal I speak in abrevs so whatev). In fact, last summer at grammar camp–

Oh come ON now, it is really not that funny!

Oh? Oh it is? Sad too? Yeah, well…laugh it out of your systems, it looks bangin on my resume.

You’re done? Are you sure? Are you sure you’re sure? Okay, good.

AS I WAS SAYING…I went on a bar tour that was titled the “Totes Obvi” bar tour and each of us had abbreviated nicknames on the back of our shirts, jersey-style. I was “Totes Inapprop” as if any of you are surprised to hear that.

Anyway, so I was typing an away message last night and realized that I wanted to use the abbreviated phrase for “as per usual.” If you’ll bear with my phonetics, that would go something like “as per uuushe” or something. And that’s when I realized I had a serious problem.

“Uuuushe” is not really the sound that that word is. Sure, the excessive “u’s” get the point across, but the “she” really doesn’t do it for me. Should it be more like “uuuuge” as in the sound people who say “huge” weirdly make? Or more like “uuuuuje”? As in…I don’t know…uuuuuje?

This is really going to upset me. Obvi is obvi the best way to abbreviate obvious. And it doesn’t look super funny if I type it. Same goes for “tho” and “whatev” and “fave” (although I know a lot of people who actually like to use “fav” instead of “fave” and that’s one that I really think should be dictated by phonetics, but whatev.”

So tell me, world of abbreviations and guys who came up with pronunciations: what am I supposed to do? Am I supposed to look lame and always type “usual” in casual context? Or I am supposed to answer “oh, the uuuujhe” when asked what I’m up to and just hope that people interpret my bizzaro spelling? Huh?

HUH?

Yeah. That’s what I thought. Well why don’t you get back to me when you’ve got something to say, okay?

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5 thoughts on “As per….?

  1. Im not a phonetics expert but…

    if uuuujhe has more letters to type than “usual” doesnt that defeat the purpose?

  2. Apollo:
    Ughh…..I know! It’s terrible! But we went on a bar tour. Does that do nothing to redeem my cred?

    Matt:
    It TOTALLY defeats the purpose. That’s why I’m stuck. I need help.

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