That pigeon is freaking me out

As some of you may remember, my desk is by a window. This of course comes with obvious advantages. I always know if I need an umbrella when I leave the office. I have somewhere to direct my daydreaming gaze. Plus, it’s just cool!

Today I found out what the disadvantages are. A pigeon the size of a 747 flew onto the ledge of the corner window. AKA the window that is separated from everyone else’s view, so when I make claims about larger-than-life flying fowl, no one believes me! (Wait, is a pigeon considered fowl? I know chickens and turkeys are…and maybe ducks and stuff. And I know that pigeons are definitely FOUL!)

Anyway, so this massive thing lands on my corner ledge and I’m trying to do some work and I can’t concentrate because I’m pretty sure it’s just killed a mountain lion or something and is eating it on my ledge. I’m not even exaggerating. Hawks can carry off small dogs and children and stuff and this pigeon was easily that big. I didn’t even rule out that it was a hawk until I remembered that I was in the middle of the city.

So all day I’m tortured by this thing. And I want to get up and ogle it, but I can’t because I’m supposed to be an adult and even though everyone in my office is cool and acts young (I’ve seen people close one eye, look around a room, close their pointer finger and thumb and say “I’m squishing your head. I’m squishing your head.” I’m not even joking) but I just don’t know how they’d react to “I’m staring at the massive pigeon outside of my window.” I’m guessing not favorably though because that’s kind of lame. Fear of ridicule aside, I’m genuinely scared of this pigeon. It caught me looking at it earlier today and I swear it glared at me. It’s like it knows it can sit out there all day and there is nothing that I can do about it.

This isn’t the first pigeon incident regarding the children of my family. My brother too had an unfavorable encounter with a Philadelphia pigeon on his balcony. I’m now a little worried that this pigeon is related to that one and that he’s taking revenge for all the broom swinging that my brother did at his cousin.

I’m screwed.


6 thoughts on “That pigeon is freaking me out

  1. This is an omen. Think about it. First your car is attacked by a wild turkey, now your office is under a pigeon siege. Clearly there is a hit of some sort out on you. Heading outside without a good tin foil hat would be a grave mistake.

  2. because you have issues with city fowl attacking you as well. the first thing i thought of after the thing landed (and i realized it wasn’t a falcon or something) was you.

  3. Along the lines of bird related incidents, remind me to tell you about the peacock that attacked us at the zoo!

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