Teach me to cry so cleanly, Lauren Conrad

Did anybody else watch The Hills’ unbelievably unreal season finale last night? Don’t lie, I know you were all glued to the TV. Other than the fact that Heidi is a moron and Spencer is an ass, I noticed one thing:

Lauren Conrad cries more cleanly than other other woman on Earth.

It’s not even normal. She must have her eye makeup tattooed onto her eyes. I’m not even joking. I can’t get to work without my eye makeup smudging–especially during allergy season when I’m rubbing my itchy eyes like it’s my job. And Lauren boo-hoo’d all over Audrina’s couch and took one lady-like sweep of her finger under her eye and that was it. She didn’t smear mascara all over her cheeks with that swipe. She didn’t have a pool of eyeliner collected under eyes and then the even more attractive eyeliner tear line. I don’t know how she does it, but if there’s anything I want to know about the real lives of The Hills’ cast members, it is this:

How do you cry so cleanly, Lauren Conrad?

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