Facebook has just made all of my dreams come true. Their latest application (or maybe not, but I just found it) is The Oregon Trail. Ahhhmazing! I remember sitting in my computer lab, plugging away on my 1993 Macintosh Apple, avoiding dysentery and hunting for oxen. But oh, Facebook can’t just leave well enough alone can they? No, no they can’t. I would like to outline some of Facebook’s additions to the game:
1. You actually have to steer while trying to ford (or caulk and float across) the river.
What the hell Facebook? Do you know how difficult that is? It was stressful enough when we just had to leave our river journey to the hands of fate, hoping that we made the best decision we could based on the information at hand. Now I have to navigate my way through rocks and treacherous waters? What the hell.
2. If you, or members of your wagon party, contract explosive diarrhea you will be sacrificed.
Sacrificed? Really Facebook? Really? Does that seem necessary? I mean, you get to stick around if you have dysentery. They don’t sacrifice you if you get the measles and those seem pretty nasty. But the minute your diarrhea becomes explosive, that’s it. Sacrifice. And I’m not even sure how that would work on the trail. Do they just leave you and roll on? Do they wait to cross the river and just heave you over board? It doesn’t seem right to get sacrificed though.
So…okay, I may have just established my role as an old grandma (I did title this post “back in my day” after all) but I happen to be a fan of tradition and I can’t condone Facebook messing with my traditional games. Will that stop me from playing? Doubtful. But I’ll be a little upset every time I lose someone to explosive diarrhea or in a freak wagon-into-rock accident.