Do you win fast?

Okay…the holidays are coming up and accordingly, the number of toy/game commercials is increasing. Cool. I like toys as much as the next kid (because yes, I’m still kind of a kid). I grew up with Monopoly, The Game of Life, all the old classics. So I have a real problem with what’s happening now.

Monopoly Electronic Banking.

Seriously? The girl in the commercial hypes the game by saying that she “wins fast.” Have you people never played Monopoly?! The whole point of the game is that you waste 7 hours, dealing your paper money, and pushing that little thimble around the board. You volunteer to be the banker and you sneak a couple of bills into your own pile while no one is looking. What is this ATM bullshit? No one who believes in the sanctity of the game will consider this electronic version to be an improvement to the game. Nay, they will see it as sacrilege.

Equally problematic for me? The Game of Life Twists and Turns. Has anyone seen this commercial? Do you know what this game does? This game requires that the players have a Visa Game Card which they insert into the LIFEPod (a device that “tracks every facet of your game”). It requires 2 AA batteries.

Excuse me? The Game of Life does not require batteries. It requires that sad little plastic dial that falls off its cardboard axis when you spin it too hard. You drive the 6-seater station wagon with the plastic “people pegs” who fall out whenever you add someone else to the car. You don’t get to become a movie star. You don’t have an entourage. You just try to make it out alive and with the most cash.

I had enough problems with Electronic Battleship and Electronic Guess Who? But you know what? I got over it. Those games seemed to be unfazed by electronic aid. I even overlooked the variations of our staple games. The Simpsons edition, the Sponge Bob Edition. I own Penn State-Opoly and I’m okay with that. I like mixing it up a bit. But I do not, under any circumstances, condone making those games electronic. There is no need to do so. And sure, every day more money is printed for Monopoly than the U.S. Treasury, but why? WHY? would you want to ruin a statistic like that? Just seems like a waste if you ask me.

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