Hey Verizon, can you hear me now? Good, then listen up: I hate you.

Dear Verizon,

I hate you.

You sold me a MotoRazr last February(ish) and since then I’ve had nothing but trouble with you/the phone. In November my phone ceased working after I attended a Penn State football game. (We played Temple. I watched from the sidelines. We won.) I couldn’t call out. I couldn’t pick up calls. All functionality basically vanished. But I went to visit you and you “fixed” the problem.

Then in May (if readers will recall) my phone again met with peril and my “9” was lost forever. You replaced the phone with another “working” phone, except that you didn’t.

My battery stopped working (2 months later) so I came in and asked for a replacement (which you do). You asked me where I got the battery because it wasn’t your battery. Except that it was because it came in the phone that you sold me…2 months ago. So you replaced the battery and then, brace yourself for the shock, my razr stopped working again.

The outer screen goes black, the inner screen goes white and sometimes, just for fun, the outer screen actually inverts the images. Super. So again I can’t make calls. I can’t answer calls. And best of all, the phone freezes. At inopportune moments. Like at 7:01 a.m. when my alarm (at full volume) goes off.

So I visited your store. And I talked to (smarmy at best) salesman who told me that he could replace my phone. Except that he couldn’t actually replace my phone until I was added to the account. The account that I was already on. So my father called customer service. Then customer service called me. And connected me with tech support. Who hung up on me, but did (to their credit) call me back. They offered to ship me a new phone. Nearly 2 weeks ago. It never showed up.

I called you, Verizon, and after 25 minutes on hold, you told me that FedEx had my phone. I called FedEx and guess what they said? They told me you had my phone. Daddy Dearest called you back, Verizon, and you promised to deliver. Literally. But you know what? You didn’t. Customer service called me and connected me to tech support. Who hung up on me. And didn’t call me back. And then, finally, after yet another order is placed to replace a phone that, quite frankly, blows, FedEx sends me an e-mail to tell me that they were unable to deliver my package. Because it had been delivered to the West Side. Not the East Side. Which, you know, is where I live.

So, Verizon, can you hear me now? Good, then listen up: I hate you.

Yours forever and ever (or until my family switches to AT&T so we can all use mobile-to-mobile in-calling),


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