Slick Eddie and the quest to move off of the couch

It’s been forever since my last post and I apologize. However, after reading this, you’ll have a pretty good idea of why I’ve been M.I.A. for so long.

I’m currently living on a friend’s couch (Dow Jones was great for that!) but I spent my first 2 weekends in the city meeting with brokers, stopping by management companies, and walking up and down endless flights of stairs to be repeatedly disappointed.

The first broker we met with was actually the partner of the broker we were directed to. Slick Eddie was his name. Okay, fine, it was just Eddie, but he was definitely slick. And a touch smarmy. The first apartment he showed us was an absolute dump. Then he decided it would be a good idea to tell me that “there is reality and there are your expectations and I’m here to shrink that gap.” Really Eddie? Because I’ve been on Craigslist. And I’ve seen my friend’s places. And I know the prices involved. And I’ve got to say, you’re being anything but helpful. Condescension does not rent apartments.

So after an afternoon with Slick (and by afternoon, I mean a few short hours) we ditched him and hunted down another broker. We wound up working with Brian, a very chill guy who realized it would be better for him to show us apartments that we would actually consider living in. So we set a time Saturday to meet and I went home for the night.

Saturday morning rolls around and I head to the UES to meet Brian. He doesn’t answer his cell. He doesn’t answer at the office. He’s a half hour late. Hm…interesting. He finally calls, “I’m running late on some things, I can be in the office in about 30 minutes and then we can meet around 12 or 1.” Um, no. 12 or 1 is about 2 or 3 hours after you told me when to meet you. How’s 12 there, Bri? Can you handle that? Greaaat, thanks.

We meet. We look. We dislike most of what we see, but we have some ideas so we know what we’re working with now. We plan to meet Sunday. Sunday rolls around, Bri calls and (surprise) he isn’t in the office yet. But it’s okay, because he only found 1 apartment. Really Brian? I’m sure you knew that ahead of time. Why you gotta crush my dreams, Bri? So we plan for Tuesday.

Day 2 out of the office and day 3 of walking up and down the Upper East Side. But, what’s that? It’s a miracle!! We find an apartment that we like! We fill out the application. We make the deposit. We start planning to move in. Wednesday morning we get the call: “Sorry, the landlord rented the apartment out.” Really? Really?

But alas, all is finally well. After another day out of the office and another thousand steps to walk up and down we finally found a place to live. This is good news for me, sure, but it’s good news for you too. Oh that’s right. Regular postings once again! And ones with wit because, let’s face it, I know I’ve been remarkably unfunny lately. But you try being hilarious when you’re slightly homeless.

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