My friend Rachel and I have what some would consider a sickness but what we consider a way of life: an obsession with crappy dating shows on MTV. And by crappy I mean completely hilarious and totally worth our time to watch.
We’ve decided it would be fun to go on the show “Exposed” which, for those of you who aren’t reality show-savvy, is a show that stretches privacy law to the limits. The contestants think they are on a regular dating show but the datee has his or her best friend staked out in a “surveillance van” nearby, listening to the date.
The job of the friend is to let our adventurer in love know if their potential dream dates are lying–and to prompt them to ask completely ridiculous questions that have no actual bearing on whether or not they’d be a good match.
Rachel and I obviously need to be prepared if we’re going to head to the Hot Seat (the few minutes our daters get alone with one who’s love they’re vying for). I, taken as I am, will be van-side during this dating debacle and will prompt Rachel to ask the following 10 questions:
1. Would you let me paint your toenails?
2. Would you eat trash pizza?
3. What if it wasn’t in a styrofoam box?
4. Is it Pickles, or The Pickle?
5. Would you consider yourself to be irreverent?
6. If I ask ‘Does anyone want this dog?’ what would you answer?
7. Do you know the difference between ‘wrangle’ and ‘wangle’?
8. I like to listen to the screams of small children on my iPod while I work out. Is that weird? (this one, truth be told, is borrowed from a previous episode)
9. If you had a nickname that followed the word “totes” what would it be and why?
10. Who is the best character from the Muppets Show?
Our game, of course, will be Chubby Bunny. Because there’s no truer test of the value of a man than by seeing how many marshmallows he can fit in his mouth while still being able to say “Chubby Bunny.”