Some people seem too stupid to live

I received an e-mail today from my ex-roommate that I’d like to exerpt for your amusement. Keep in mind while reading this, that I am living in Pittsburgh and not in State College. Also keep in mind that RM is still living in my former apartment.

First, for the electricity bills- I just paid off the total balance
that we had left for the lease year instead of waiting for each
monthly bill. It seemed easier that way- less check writing and
attempting to mail in payments. So the balance was $152.78.
Secondly, I paid the D&E cable bill that was due in June which was the
usual $77.74
With those 2 prices added together it would be $230.52. So, if could
you send me a check for your half of that ($115.26) it would be much
appreciated.

Okay…you’re all confused, right? It’s not just me, is it? Because I was baffled at the thought of my roommate asking me to pay bills for utilities that I’m not using. Not only utilities that I’m not using, but that I don’t even have access to, considering that I turned my key into my real estate office the day after graduation.

Would you also like me to buy your groceries for the summer? How about your drinks? I could pay cover for you every night too, even though I’m not in town. Anything else you’d like me to pay for? Are you heading to the mall anytime soon? Maybe I could pay for those new shoes? The earrings too? Okay, that seems fair, considering I’m not shopping with you. You just send me a bill for how much you think you’ll be spending and I’ll take care of the rest.

Really. It makes me wonder how she even gets dressed in the morning. Although, after living with her all year and noticing her apparel (jeans, hiking boots, and men’s shirts), that’s not something I want to spend any more time considering.

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