I would really love it if…

Saturday night Boo and I watched Disney’s Enchanted.  I really like that movie.  For one thing, it has Patrick Dempsy and you can’t go wrong with McDreamy.  For another thing, it’s actually a kind of cool concept: animated heroine gets banished to live-action world where she holds out hope of her animated Prince Charming (not his actual name) rescuing her, meanwhile falling in love with the live-action hero who actually does rescue her even though he doesn’t initially want or mean to.  Also, Amy Adams gets to see what she would look like if she were a Disney Princess and that’s pretty much every little girl’s dream.

(image via here.)

Which brings me to my point.  I would totally love it if someone would draw me as a Disney Princess.  I mean, I’d kind of like to know what I would look like.  Would I look like Belle?  She and I are pretty similar after all.  French (or at least partly French) girls with wavy brown hair who like to read.  But I don’t look good in yellow–trust me.  Would I have the quintessential Disney pointy nose?  Because I don’t really have a pointy nose.  In fact, as Boo pointed out (no pun intended) my nose is actually kind of bulbous (yes, that IS the word he used but he meant it in a totally loving way, swearsies) from the front.  What would my Disney outfit be?  My M.O. is jeans and Chucks so would I still get the fancy ball gown?  Or, would they shake it up and give me a fancy ball gown with Chucks (you know, like the way I dressed for my wedding).  Could I get a non-wussy-hued purple for my outfit since Disney like their princesses to be color-coordinated?  And what about my snappy sidekick?  Because everyone knows that no Princess is complete without a snappy sidekick.

So…if there is anyone out there who happens to be a kick-ass Disney animator with some time on their hands, I would really love it if I could see what I’d look like as a Disney Princess.

Also, I think it would be a great idea to create a Disney Princess simulator.  You type in your features (eye and hair color), hobbies, favorite color, special skills (i.e. the ability to talk to animals) and then a program poofs you out an image of you as a Disney Princess.  Kind of like this superhero factory.  Someone should probably get on that and then credit me with the idea.  Because I’m totally copyrighting that idea so if you create it and DON’T credit me, I’ll open up a can of whoop ass (does anyone still threaten to do that anymore?).

I hope they spit in her lemonade

One of the sure signs of summer in suburbia is the neighborhood lemonade stand.  Last week I dropped Boo off at the train station for a trip to CT for work.  On our way to the train, we passed a lemonade stand, 25 cents a glass.  We kept driving (so we wouldn’t miss his train) but I said I’d stop on the way back.

So anyway, I dropped Boo off and headed back to the lemonade stand.  There was a bit of confusion when I pulled up.  It seemed that the lead car stopped for lemonade and confused the car behind them who couldn’t figure out to keep driving.  Granted, the stand was somewhat tricky to navigate.  It was perched at the end of a driveway on one of the notoriously narrow Main Line roads.  So there was parking to figure out.  Do you put the flashers on?  Do you assume that other drivers are smarter than the person you just saw who couldn’t figure out that cars were stopped to buy lemonade?

But it’s Sunday, not that traffic-y, so I said ‘what the heck’, stopped the car, and walked over.  But while I’m parking my car, I see a manicured hand slide out of the driver’s side window of the car parked in front of me.  Just the hand.  And then I see the finger waggle, beckon the kids over to the car, and flash a dollar bill.

My jaw kind of dropped.  I’ve crossed the street and I’m waiting for these kids (the oldest was probably 11) to pour my glass.  I ask if they’re having fun and tell them to keep up the good work and walk back to my car.  Meanwhile, this woman has refused to leave her car.  She has forced these little kids to cross the street with her lemonade.  I mean, these poor kids were like, 6 years old, teeny tiny, and schlepping across the road with her lemonade.  I just was shocked.  I mean, it takes an extra 30 seconds to park the car and get out, so why wouldn’t you?

So maybe I’m old school.  Maybe I’m used to people who act like they are supporting kids actually doing so rather than rolling down the tinted window and waggling their scary manicured fingers for a drink.  Like these kids are here to serve her.  Please lady, that has never been the point of a lemonade stand and you know it.

If it were me…well, I would have spit in her lemonade.