Monthly Archives: May 2008

Summer just got a little brighter

Last night’s season finale of LOST not only blew my mind (which is a weekly occurrence on that show) but it left me a little sad too. The last of my favorite shows ended. Okay, not the last, I did forget about Top Chef but Padma and company are getting on my nerves this season. Either way….

I’ve been bumming hard about my lack of good summer programming. What am I supposed to watch when I come home from work and want nothing more than to to drink a margarita on the couch in my pajamas? Well I’ll tell you.

Wipeout.

I can’t wait for this show. Has anyone else seen the previews? It’s the American Most Extreme Elimination Challenge. How could this show not be amazing?! Sure, I’ll miss the ridiculous over-dubbing but they do promise some oddball announcers so I should be okay.

I like that ABC is billing the show as “a painfully funny new reality series” when it’s clearly not but it doesn’t even bother me. If you put fat people in puffy vests and ask them to bounce from one giant red rubber ball to another, I’m going to be happy.

Americans: fatter and lazier by the glass

Despite the fact that this week is really only a 3.5 day work week, I was still dragging this afternoon. To remedy the situation I headed to Starbucks for what was essentially a grossly overpriced iced tea. I don’t particularly care because that is what gift cards are for (thanks Michael).

While I was waiting, the girl behind me got her drink (because I got the new guy and the concept of green vs. black tea just blew his mind) and sat down. She got up again a sip or 2 later and what she said made me die a little inside.

Girl: Excuse me, I ordered this sweetened and it’s not. Is there anything you can do about it now?

Literally, I just died a little inside all over again typing that. It was the most painful thing I’ve ever heard anyone ask. Girly, you got an iced tea. If it needs to be sweetened, there is an entire rack of sugars behind you, from Sweet N Low to Equal to Splenda to real sugar. How are you even asking this question?!

I had to bite my tongue to keep from turning to her, asking her if she really was the stupidest person alive or if she had a sister who might possibly muster more stupidity than she just did. And to be honest, if she hadn’t been 3 times my size, I might have gone for it.

Welcome to America ladies and gentlemen…we really are getting fatter and lazier by the glass.

Run, Papa Lohan, run…

Momma B is in town for the week and I picked her up at her hotel after work for a night of take out and Top Chef. While walking to the 6 train, we passed The Peninsula and saw a huge crowd hanging out in front, including about 5 guys with some pretty hefty looking cameras.

We stopped and asked a woman what was going on. “Oh, some actor or something,” she said, so we decided to stick around. One or two more paparazzi showed up including a few with video cameras. After a few minutes of black Escalades rolling down the road and stirring things up, our star finally arrived.

Michael Lohan.

Michael Lohan? Seriously paps? You guys are waiting for Michael Lohan? I apparently spend a good bit of time surfing the gossip sites because I was one of the few the only person to recognize him. I wanted a little confirmation so I asked a guy with more than a Canon Elph in his hands. “Oh, Dennis Hopper.” LIAR! With an aunt in LA, I know the secret is to never tell who it actually is, so I rested easy in my knowledge of G-List “celebrities.”

After a few more minutes a blond with sunglasses walked out of the hotel and everyone started whispering that it was Dina Lohan. Clearly we were surrounded by a bunch of clowns who’ve never watched E!

The crowd had simmered down a bit but a few more photogs showed up to capture the moment, though I’m still not sure why. Then, in a complete sneak attack move, Papa Lo shot out of the hotel like a rocket and sprinted down 5th avenue in one of the weirdest avoidance maneuvers I’ve ever seen. I did my best as a blogger (and celebustalker) to catch the moment on film, but damn can Michael Lohan run. Well sure, who could blame him living in that house?

But for your viewing pleasure nonetheless…

That little grey blob is the videographer chasing Michael’s “should have been a sprinter” ass down 5th avenue. The 2 black cars with the tinted windows were the decoys to the car he must have had waiting for him.

Otherwise he thought it was a nice night to take a run in a faded polo shirt and jeans…

I really just wanted a trim…

Sunday afternoon Boo and I took advantage of the beautiful weather and took a walk along the river. After roasting ourselves for about an hour, we decided the walk back should be done in the shade, so we headed toward 2nd ave for the trip.

I’d been feeling a little hair cranky lately, like I needed to dye it or cut it or something it. Since there is no point in dying my locks pre-summer, I settled on a trim. Unfortunately, I live in New York City and it’s hard to find a salon where you can still get a double digit hair cut. I mean, if all you have to do is cut 1/4″ inch from the bottom of my hair, why should I give you $150 for that?

So as we strolled down 2nd, we passed a fairly reasonably priced establishment and thought we’d give it a shot. I walked through the front door and one of the stylists lumbered over and glared at me. Assuming this was my cue to speak, I stammered out that I was hoping for a hair cut. She just pointed to the bench and Boo and I took our seats. We joined a woman who was putting her slightly damp hair in a banana clip, which seemed a bit odd, but we didn’t think much of it at the time.

The stylist barked “You ready?” to the guy on our other side and he jumped up and got in the chair. The 2nd stylist had finished her customer by this point and addressed the banana clip woman.

Stylist: Do you know what you want yet?

Banana: I always knew what I wanted but I guess I wasn’t explaining it well. That woman didn’t seem to know what I wanted and she got very pissy with me about it. I didn’t want to make anyone pissy. She just didn’t get it.

*Note: awkward to hear old women say “pissy.” Also awkward to mention “that woman” when she is standing 3 feet away from you. Just saying.*

Stylist: Well what makes you think I will.

Banana: *awkward pause….*

Sylist: Well, I guess I can try and understand you.

At this point, Boo looked over and asked me if I wanted to leave. For as much as I hate my hair some days, he knows that I really do love it and don’t want to put it in the hands of someone who can’t understand what the client is asking for. I decided to watch Banana Clip and see what she’d been asking for.

Turns out it was layers. If you can’t handle layers for a person with stick-straight hair, you can’t handle the curly mess on my head.

We stood up and walked toward the front door but were stopped by Stylist #2.

“Are you coming back?”

We wanted to answer something along the lines of “Hellllll no! I don’t want angry/confused people near my head with scissors.”

Instead I mumbled something about not wanting to be late to the thing at the place with the people.

In case you were wondering, we walked up and over a few blocks (after stopping for pizza to settle our nerves) and I found a pretty spectacular salon where I got an adorable little cut for $2 more than I would have at Edward Scissorhands’ place.

Signs it might be time to move (or at least look into bullet proofing the door)

Saturday night around 9:30 Boo and I were sitting in my living room, watching Friends and digesting some really fabulous sushi from my new favorite takeout place. I’d fallen asleep on the couch (fat and happy usually leads to sleepy as well) when all of a sudden Boo was shaking my foot saying “I think you need to get up right now! People are seriously fighting outside!!”

Immediately I knew he was referring to The Hostel. We got up and ran for the door, pressing our ears against it but making sure to keep our feet back (the door has about an inch of space b/w the bottom of it and the floor). At first all I heard was the crazy hostel woman yelling at her meathead boyfriend. Then I heard Meathead yell, “I’m gonna call the cops on you, you crazy bitch!” And she just egged him on, saying, “Do it! DO IT!! What could you possibly say?!” But he knew what he was going to say: “I’m calling the cops and telling them you came at me with a knife you crazy bitch. I’m calling the cops! I’m calling! You came at me with a KNIFE you crazy bitch!!”

At this point I thought it best to call the front desk and have someone come up and deal with this situation. I called down in a panic, telling the guys to send someone immediately up to my floor b/c there was a lot of shouting and someone was threatening someone with a knife. They transferred me. Uh…okay. Next guy picked up and I told him the same thing and he said someone was on their way up.

We heard a little more yelling then around 9:50 security finally came upstairs, pounded on the door of The Hostel, asked if they were okay and told them 911 had been called and the police were on their way. A little after 10 we heard the cops roll in and knock on the door. They must have entered the apartment, b/c we didn’t hear them for a few minutes then heard them again. I can only imagine what they saw in there–in that apartment that wouldn’t let maintenance come in for mandatory AC unit cleaning without being there, which Rachel and I assumed was somehow related to all the pot smoke perpetually wafting from under the door.

It’s always an adventure in my building. I can only hope that my new next door neighbors were home to hear that too. Baptism by fire is really going to be their best shot at getting accustomed to the city. Get your totally crazy story the first night then nothing else will surprise you.

Prediction: Grey’s Anatomy

I have been an avid Grey’s fan since Season 1. In college, my girlfriends and I would wait patiently for Sunday night (and you know, I kind of miss its old time slot), grab a box of tissues (because there was always something to cry about) and get ready for a night of romance, drama and occasionally some icky medical procedures.

This being said, I was obviously excited for last night’s season finale and it did not disappoint. But after the show was over and I was getting ready for bed, still all stupid-happy that Derek and Meredith will be able to go on being the “stuff of legends” something terrible occurred to me.

So here it is, right now, I am making a prediction for next season: ROSE WILL BE PREGNANT!

Think about it. It was such a big deal that Rose didn’t need to fill out the form saying who she’d slept with in the hospital–but then grabbed one towards the end of the episode. It’s been a constant theme that Derek only wants something “fun” and “uncomplicated.” And–this is what clinched it for me–he said he needed to speak with Rose to have a “clear conscience” before he did anything more than kiss Meredith.

Rose will be pregnant.

It’s the best complication for those two crazy kids who just can’t seem to get it right. And while it does ring a little Ugly Betty-esque, I am definitely betting that poor, newly-fixed and and unbroken Meredith is going to have to fight to get McDreamy away from his baby-daddy duties.

I suddenly can’t wait for fall.

That’s it Top Chef, it’s time we had a little chat

I would like to start this post off by saying that I am obsessed with Top Chef. I think it’s probably the best show on television and thanks to Bravo’s love of marathons, I can watch it back to back to back on most days of the week.

That being said I am MAD at Top Chef this season. The judges are getting on my nerves. Oh, sure, I love me some Tom and Padma, but their choices this season have left me shouting at the TV, every week at 10:57(ish).

My anger at their eliminations finally boiled over last night (did you like my cooking terms there?). How could you send Dale home? He’s a MUCH better chef than Spike and Lisa. Not to mention that Spike and Lisa have been in the bottom nearly every week of the show. I don’t know how they are still here. Poor Dale only got sent home because he was the executive chef on last night’s challenge.

I am convinced that Lisa is the devil. She broke the rules in the improv challenge (sorry girl, chorizo is not Polish sausage) but then pointed out that Andrew should be sent home in the boxed lunch challenge for not following the rules. Hm, really Lisa? She’s a crappy chef and an ugly person, inside and out. Week after week she is up for elimination (because she can’t cook) and week after week they realize that she can’t cook nor can she take criticism, yet she stays.

And here is where my beef with the judges sets in: I think they are keeping her and Spike (equally unskilled in the kitchen) around because they provide good conflict. Every storyline needs to have a villain, every competition needs to have someone to root for to win, and someone to root for to lose. Richard, Stephanie, Antonia and Dale (before he was the saddest guy ever and broke my heart when he said his goodbyes) were the good guys. Spike and Lisa are the bad guys. But I cannot get down with the judges keeping them around for the sake of good television–especially not in a competition about good food.

I’m Italian. I take my food seriously.

Not even in Central Park…

I promised this post so I hope it doesn’t disappoint. My roommate and I decided to take advantage of the nice weather, which apparently spring isn’t really doing this year, so we went on a picnic in Central Park. (Can you go on a picnic? Do you just have them? What’s the deal there…)

We found a nice grassy patch and sat down on our pilfered airline blanket. I looked to the left and saw this:

Please note this women’s “outfit.” Those aren’t shorts. That is a bikini bottom, but not from a bathing suit, I’m fairly sure (evidence to follow).

Our creepy couple was then joined by this guy:

Poor guy. He was just trying to sit down and enjoy the weather and a nice afternoon at the park and he ends up sitting next to these creepers. Watch as he gets increasingly more uncomfortable:

It’s as if he’s thinking “okay, just make myself as small as I can and maybe I’ll actually disappear and get away from these creepers.”

They didn’t get any less creepy as the afternoon went on. I looked over at one point and they were doing this:

I mean, come on now. We are in public here people. What do you really think you are doing? Sir, your head is really just way too close to that woman’s crotch. Especially when there are children around.

Then this:

His head is, in case you can’t tell, actually resting on her boob. This is just not right. Lunch and show? I didn’t sign on for that.

Then things got weirder. Nasty McPanties proved us right and showed us that she really had just dropped trow in the middle of the park:

Yup. She decided the weather was nice and it was time to take off her pants, roll up her shirt and get it on with that guy. And yeah, that hand in the bottom of the image? The guy next to us was texting about how awkward the situation was. How do I know that? Because Rachel and I were shrieking about how awkward this situation was and though the near-nudies couldn’t hear us, everyone else near us could.

So there you have it. Anyone who watches Law & Order knows that some pretty kinky things have gone down in Central Park. But note to the not-quite-dressed: those things happen at night. Please keep your clothes on until then.

*NOTE* All of the photos were taken with Rachel and I staring and pointing at my camera and me saying things like “yeah, and that was me and my brother. And that was at the place where we went for that thing.”

The great debate

A song just came up on Pandora that got me thinking about something and I want to know where my readers stand on this issue.

Brick vs. The Freshman

Which is the better song? Same era, same theme, but which version is better?

I ask mainly because when I had Brick stuck in my head the other morning in the shower and was trying to think of all the lyrics, words from The Freshman were sneaking in and complicating how I remembered the song.

RCN, why do you hate me?

I am currently fighting with my cable company. I don’t know if they know it, but I know it and they’re totally gonna know it soon. Why the fight though? For the past few weeks we’ve had some serious internet trouble. Tech-savvy Boo has talked me through a router reboot a few times to no avail. I’ve messed with the modem too but I get no results. I’m particularly annoyed at the moment for 2 reasons:

1) I have been trying (at the suggestion of some particularly wise readers) to watch online episodes of the shows I miss b/c of programming overlap. This is exceedingly difficult w/o internet.

2) I have a post just waiting to be written/uploaded about my afternoon in the park that I am dying to get online. I realize it doesn’t sound very interesting but when you see the pictures of the mass inappropriateness, you’ll be glad I planned to write it.

So guess what, RCN? It’s on.